


Fear of Touch

by texasbella



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Drabble, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-18
Updated: 2012-06-18
Packaged: 2017-11-08 01:06:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 49
Words: 8,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/437443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/texasbella/pseuds/texasbella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Due to a tragedy in his past, Edward is now an OCD headcase. He fears germs, he fears the outside, he fears contact. His hardest obstacle to overcome? Loneliness. This is where Izzy Swan comes in...as a hired companion. But will she be too dirty for him?</p><p>2nd place winner~ The Eclipse Awards~ Best Edward in a Drabble fic</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Drabble War January 2012**

Howdy ya'll!

No, this is not the first chapter…this is just an informational greeting and for me to get things in place for Friday.

As most of you know, the drabble gauntlet was thrown down and not one or two, but TWELVE authors picked it up! In fact even more wanted to join in. We were concerned about there being too many rapid posting stories for you, the readers, to keep up with however, so we capped it at twelve and decided to make this a year long event!

If you are interested in participating in a future "war" then come on over to the  **Drabble War Forum**  group on Facebook. In the docs there are sign ups available for every month this year. "Wars" will take place on the middle weekend of each month. It is first come, first serve so come on over and claim your spot. We hope to see new "faces" each month!

Twelve authors per month, twelve months, twelve wars…welcome to 2012!

The Drabble War Forum is not for authors only…it's also for the readers who want to follow along with the wars. It is a central place to meet and discuss the stories as they are posted. With each round, banners and summaries will be posted in the group as well as links to author profiles.

While we are labeling this a war, please be aware that no official winner will be determined. This is all in good fun…just friendly competition. The real winners are the readers who get 12 new stories each month!

Allow me to introduce the January participants:

**_Masks_  by Dalloway5906**

Summary: "I fucking hate New Year's Eve...all drunks and grabby hands...at least the tips are good." Bella thinks it will just be one more night at the bar, but tonight two men will change her life forever. e/b. Some dark moments but mostly snark and major sexy times.

**_Fear of Touch_  by texasbella**

Summary: Due to a horrifying tragedy in his past, Edward is now an OCD headcase. He can't leave his house, he can't even open the front door without a clean pair of latex gloves. His hardest obstacle to overcome? Loneliness. This is where Izzy Swan comes in...as a hired companion. Will sparks fly or will she be too dirty for him? Rated M

**_Our Night of Fun_  by FFLoverLaura**

Summary: 22 year old Bella is in college and having the time of her life. Her roommate gets married and moves out, leaving Bella in need to find someone to replace her. Enter Rose, the seemingly perfect roommate. What happens when Bella and Rose give in to their desires the night of their house party? This is their night of fun. Rated M for Lemons and Drug Use.

**_Destiny_  by kitkat681**

Summary: 300 years watching everyone's joy. 300 years of emptiness. One little baby and everything changes. Then she's taken from him. Will he get her back? Vamp...rated M for...you know.

**_How it Goes_  by JA Mash**

Summary: Isabella Swan is an actress... Edward Cullen is an actor... they're both secretly in love with their hot co-star... neither one knows what to do about it... this is the story of how it goes... Rated M for language and lemony goodness.

**_Class Act_  by SexyLexiCullen**

Summary: Bella's English teacher, Mr. Cullen, can't stop looking at her like she's something to eat. She's cooking up quite the meal for him. Little does he know, revenge is a dish best served cold. But what if she has the recipe wrong? E/B. Canon couples. OOC characters. Rated M for language, lemons, and . . . I'm not done yet :) A bit on the dark side.

**_Coming Out_  by CullensTwiMistress**

Summary: Sometimes the road to self discovery leads you into a path you never knew existed. Bella always thought she was happy, until she realized that there were other options out there. OOC. Rated M for language and lemons.

**_Whiskey Lullaby_  by lvtwilight09**

Summary: Edward and Bella love each other beyond reason, but the demons from his past keep getting in the way. When Edward tries to save himself for Bella's sake, he may end up losing the one thing he can't live without. Rated M. Dark themes, heavy angst.

**_All the Fun of the Fair_  by TrueEnglishRose**

Summary: Edward owns a fairground, drifting from town to town and Bella is a damaged soul, waiting to be saved. What magic has she weaved into Edward's life when he meets her? Can he save her in the way she needs? Rated M. Hurt/Comfort/Romance.

**_The Dealership_  by Bnjwl's Fanfiction**

Summary: When Carlisle's Audi dealership is up for a prestigeous award, who pull out the big guns and help him win? Can Bella and Edward survive the tension of The Dealership?

**_It Is That Simple_  by theonlykyla**

Summary: Bella's a twice divorced single mom dealing with a tragedy. Edward is a single lonely man with his own tragic past. Can they both open their hearts and accept the other? Romance/Angst

**_Where the Streets Have No Name_  by DreamOfTheEndless**

Summary: The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Edward is firmly trapped in the hell of his making. Redemption lying just beyond his reach. Would Bella be able to be his salvation? Would she sacrifice herself to save him?

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: The characters portrayed within this story were originally created by Stephenie Meyer. I promise there is no copyright infringement intended. For the most part, I'm just borrowing their names. (*This will be the only disclaimer for this story)

Perching on the edge of the couch, I run through my 'to do' list in my head.

I've cleaned the bathrooms.

Bleached the doorknobs in the house.

Sanitized the phone and my keyboard.

Stripped and washed the bedding.

The kitchen is spotless.

I've cleaned it all…just as I do every day.

Removing my rubber gloves, I walk the fifteen paces to my kitchen where I throw them away.

I need help.

I know this…that's half the battle isn't it?

Emmett's voice creeps into my head.

" _You should call an escort service, Edward. Order up any type of girl you like. You'll call the shots on how close she gets…or not. But for fuck's sake…you need somebody. You can't keep yourself locked in that house."_


	3. Chapter 3

The number blares at me from my computer screen.

I almost threw up just typing in  _escort services_.

The site says they are confidential.

It says,  _'Tell us your fantasy, we'll make it a reality.'_

I scoff.

They'll probably call me a freak if I call and ask for someone that understands she has to stay away from me.

I look back at the screen.

' _What is your deepest desire?'_  flashes repeatedly at the top.

Alternating with,  _'We have a companion waiting just for you!'_

My brother's voice is back.

" _You know I love ya, man. But I can't help you until you decide to help yourself."_

I punch in the number and hit send.


	4. Chapter 4

"Cullen's Companions, this is Esme, how may I help you?" answers a polite sounding woman.

The tightening starts in my chest.

"Um, hello, my name is Edward and I was wanting to…" I trail off, unable to finish.

"Arrange for a companion, dear?" she asks sweetly.

"Y-yes please," I whisper.

"Certainly. I'll just need to get some information from you and you'll be on your way to fulfilling whatever your desire is."

I can't do this. This is wrong. This is forsaking her memory.

This time it's my sister's soft voice that whispers in my head.

" _It wasn't your fault, Edward. You had nothing to do with her death and I'm sure she would want you to move on…want you to be happy."_


	5. Chapter 5

"Okay," is all I can say as I try to quell the rolling in my stomach.

"Let's start with the basics. Your full name?" she asks, getting down to business.

"Edward Masen."

The next few minutes are filled with her asking questions and me answering.

My address and phone number.

My date of birth and social security number…for a back ground screening.

All standard procedure she assures me, for the safety of all parties involved.

My credit card number.

The preliminaries out of the way, she asks the harder questions.

The ones that narrow down what I am looking for in a companion.

In the end I have chosen someone close in age, intelligent, not overdone, and absolutely NOT a redhead.

"That's everything I need Mr. Masen. I'll get back to you in a couple of days after we've run your background check and done your compatibility profile. In the meantime, please arrange to see your doctor for a current STD screening."

I hang up and run for the bathroom where I vomit profusely and then bleach every surface in the bathroom…twice.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know ya'll want to touch him and console him...but right now...you'll just make him freak. So...you can look with your eyes, not with your hands. Though, if you've used hand sanitizer AND put on some latex gloves, he might hold your hand for just a moment...

"Edward! It's good to hear from ya. What can I do for you?" Emmett chirps, obviously pleased that I've called.

"Well, I need to see a doctor…"

He cuts me off.

"What's wrong Edward? Never mind, let me grab my bag and I'll be there in fifteen minutes," he states and the line goes dead.

Fifteen minutes later the doorbell rings.

I tug one of the latex gloves from the box I keep by the door and snap it on before I open it, revealing my bear of a brother.

I step back and he enters, making sure not to touch me accidentally.

After closing and locking the door, I dispose of the glove in the trashcan next to the door before following him into the living room.

"I made the call," I blurt out and am met with a confused expression.

"To an escort service," I say lower. "And, well, I have to have a current STD screening before they'll set me up with a companion."

By his reaction, you'd have thought I'd come up with the solution to world peace.


	7. Chapter 7

"Are you shitting me?" he exclaimed, jumping and clapping as his inner three year old showed himself.

I provided him with a curt shake of my head.

"So, was there like, a menu or something," he waggled his eyebrows, "did you order a curvy blonde entrée with a side of juicy ass and a blowjob for dessert?" he laughed, amused with himself.

I shook my head. "Seriously Emmett? I hope you don't talk to your other patients this way," I stated, reminding him why he was here.

He looked properly abashed as replied quietly. "I'm sorry, Edward. Really. I think it's great that you've made this first step."

"I'm not sure I can handle more than her coming in and sitting in my living room, to be honest. I got sick and caved to a cleaning frenzy after getting off the phone," I admitted.

"Hey man, it's a start. I'm proud of you. Now, give me the gloves you approve of me wearing and show me your vein. I've got a blood screening to get expedited," he grinned smugly at me.

I rolled my eyes and went to retrieve said gloves.

I braced myself as he slowly started talking, alerting me to every step so that there would be no surprises when he made contact.

My chest tightened and then his hands were on me.

Somehow, it wasn't as bad as I expected.


	8. Chapter 8

The next day Alice called to let me know how ecstatic she was for me.

Of course Emmett had been unable to keep his mouth shut.

I let it go.

I knew my siblings cared for me and just wanted me to resume living a normal life.

Two days after that, I received a call from Esme.

She'd received Emmett's fax with my clean bill of health and everything was in order, she said.

She also told me she'd found the perfect companion for me, she was sure of it.

A Miss Izzy Swan.

My first 'appointment' was scheduled for two days from now, at 5:00 in the evening.

"Do you have any special requests?" Esme inquired.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Regarding Ms. Swan's appearance or any props she should bring," explained Esme.

"Oh, I see. No, no props are needed. In regards to her appearance, I guess something demure, perhaps librarian like or innocent school girl?" I said with more of a question than certainty to my voice.

She laughed softly. "Very good Mr. Masen, quite a popular choice actually."

Apparently I was more normal than I thought.

Pricing was discussed, leaving me thankful that I had my trust fund to live on.

We ended the conversation and I spent the rest of the day cleaning my house.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Digging deeper...

The last two nights, I'd been plagued with my old nightmares.

Woken in sweaty fits with visions of blue lips and red hair.

Tonight was my 'appointment.'

After getting sick for the second time (and thoroughly sanitizing the bathroom after each occurrence), I was on the verge of calling to cancel.

My phone rang and I answered.

"Edward, you will not cancel tonight," chastised my sister who always seemed to know too much.

"But Alice..."

"No Edward, no buts, you need to do this. It's been two years. It's okay, you'll be okay," she gently encouraged me.

"I promise I'll try. I can't promise any more than that," I compromised.

"I'll take it," she said and I could hear the smile in her voice.

"One more thing before I let you go," she giggled, "ruffle your hair and change out of that stuffy suit and put on some jeans and a Henley...trust me."

I looked down at my grey pinstripe Gucci suit and shook my head.

_How does she do that?_

"Fine, I will. Time to say goodbye Alice."

"Goodbye Alice," she said with an amused snicker.


	10. Chapter 10

It was 4:55 and I was pacing in front of the door, my latex gloves already in place for when I would have to touch the knob.

At 5:01 the bell chimed and I sucked in a deep breath.

_Now or never, Masen._

Pulling the door open just a few inches, I was taken aback, sure that there was some kind of mistake.

_Izzy is a girl's name, is it not?_

So why was there a burly man on my doorstep, peering at me expectantly?

He extended his hand, which I ignored.

"Evening Mr. Masen, I'm Demetri. I'm Ms. Swan's security escort for the evening. Normal procedure whenever the girls meet with a new client," he droned, taking his hand back once he realized I was not going to shake it.

"Oh, of course. Is Ms. Swan with you?"

"In the car Sir, waiting for me to do a preliminary walk through and give her the all clear to come up..."

I felt the panic start to set in.

I'd barely prepped myself to let one stranger inside my sanctuary tonight.

And now, I was going to have to allow a second stranger into my home.


	11. Chapter 11

"Mr. Masen, are you going to let me in?" he asked after I'd been blankly staring at him for a minute.

I gulped and slowly pulled the door open.

I didn't have time to step back and he brushed against me as he entered.

Cue the nausea.

"Wow, nice place you've got here. Who does your cleaning? Don't think I've ever seen such a clean house," he chuckled.

I bit my tongue, the sharp pain helping to clear my head.

Not only was he invading my space, he was a gabber.

"Thank you. I do the cleaning myself," I ground out.

He spun around, taking me in, his eyes lingering on my gloved hands.

I stared back, silently challenging him to say anything else.

I think he got the hint as he shut up and proceeded to walk thru the entire place.

I stayed frozen in my spot by the door.

Finally he reappeared in the living room, phone up to his ear.

"All clear Ms. Swan, come on up."


	12. Chapter 12

This was it.

I was about to meet my new companion.

The calm facade I'd managed to create had shattered when Demetri caught me unawares.

I clenched and unclenched my fists as I tried to steady my breathing.

"You okay man? You don't look so hot," said Demetri as he took a step towards me, his hand outstretched.

I backed up quickly, my back hitting the wall behind me.

"DON'T touch me!" I snapped.

"Sorry, man," he said, holding his hands up in front of him. "Whatever floats your boat, you're the client. Just so you know, I'm not going anywhere during this visit though. I'll be waiting on the front porch and she better come back out in the condition she comes in," he warned just as the bell chimed.

I was still fighting my panic attack and couldn't get myself to move to open the door.

Demetri walked over and opened it, causing me to gag as his bare hand touched the knob.

Then she walked in.


	13. Chapter 13

She was dressed in a knee length tartan plaid skirt, matched with a blood red fitted button up blouse.

Her calves were covered in matching red knee hi socks and she wore Mary Jane's on her feet.

She had long auburn hair held off her face with a tortoise shell headband.

It wasn't until she quietly said my name that I dragged my eyes up to hers.

They were light brown with green and gold flecks.

In a word, mesmerizing.

"Hi Edward, I'm Izzy," she tried again taking a step in my direction.

I held up my hand.

"Please, don't come any closer," I swallowed. "Not yet," I added shakily.

She looked momentarily hurt, but then her eyes filled with compassion.

"Sure, how about I just go sit on the couch and wait for you?" she suggested and I nodded.

"That'll be all Demetri. You can wait outside, I'll be fine," she dismissed him with a small smile.

She moved towards the couch, her low heels clacking on the hardwood floor, and gracefully sat down on the edge.

I had to admit she was beautiful, in a simple way.

_Just like I ordered._


	14. Chapter 14

After several minutes of silence passed between us, I had calmed a little and offered her some water.

"That would be lovely."

She didn't say anything as I pulled off my gloves and dropped them in the trash can before counting my steps to the kitchen.

One, two, three...fourteen, fifteen, I crossed the threshold and let out the breath I'd been holding.

I got our glasses of water and two coasters and headed back out.

I froze halfway there.

She was no longer sitting on the couch.

Instead, she was standing in front of my ceiling to floor bookcase, a single finger running along the spines.

Surprisingly, I was okay with her touching them.

All I could focus on was the ethereal vision in my living room, reverently perusing my collection.

I wanted to photograph her, capture her in this moment forever.

I'd always loved photography, but hadn't touched my camera since the incident.

_Moving on._

I turned back around before she saw me.

I took the water and coasters back to the kitchen and then went down the hall to retrieve my camera.


	15. Chapter 15

_**BPOV** _

Esme had assured me I would like this assignment, that Mr. Masen, Edward, had seemed to be very polite, if not a little bit shy.

He'd be nothing like Riley.

My last client...who had put me in the hospital.

Standing here, looking over his huge assortment of books in his immaculate home, I knew she was right.

Who hires an escort and then requests no touching?

Maybe he really did need just a companion, a friend.

Not a fuck toy.

The fee was per hour, regardless of what happened in that hour, so if he wanted to sit here in silence the whole time, who was I to argue?

The gloves had been a little weird, but, to each his own.

I glanced up and saw a book that I thought could no longer be found.

I rose up on my toes, bracing my left hand against the case as I stretched my right arm to retrieve the book.

_Click whir_

Startled, I pulled back quickly and turned to the sound...Edward with a camera.

_Ah, so that's his thing..._

_  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll be getting occasional peeks into Bella, ooops, Izzy's head...


	16. Chapter 16

"I'm sorry, I should have asked…but I wanted to get the picture while you weren't paying attention. I hope that's alright?" he asked nervously.

It was rather endearing.

"That depends," I purred, "will the pictures be for personal use only? You aren't going to put them on the internet or anything are you?"

"What? No, not at all…I wouldn't violate your privacy that way," he answered quickly.

I could read the truth in his eyes.

His brilliant green eyes.

"Wait. You said pictures…plural. Does that mean you'd be okay with me taking a few more?" he mumbled bashfully.

He was too cute.

"As long as they are just for us," I replied, leaning against the bookcase and thrusting my tits out as I raised my head up, elongating my neck.

The camera clicked.

I undid a few buttons, exposing my cleavage and he swallowed with an audible gulp.

He looked like a deer caught in a set of headlights, the camera held loosely in his hand.

"How do you want me, Edward?" I crooned.


	17. Chapter 17

_**EPOV** _

She was a siren.

Her song loud and magical…dazzling.

"Just, um, please just do whatever you are comfortable with," I finally managed to answer her.

She posed.

I clicked.

She moved.

I moved.

Around my living room we went, though I always stayed at least three feet away from her.

I captured everything she offered me...too entranced to worry that her germs were getting on my things.

Her silhouetted against the curtains, the fading light framing her as she stretched her arms out to the side.

Her perched in the chair, a book open in her hand, her knees spread giving me a glimpse of red silk.

Lying on my couch on her stomach, her ankles crossed as she leaned on her elbows, looking like a little girl.

By the time my battery light was blinking, she had stripped down to her red bra and matching thong.

And I was sporting my first hard on in months.


	18. Chapter 18

The last hour had been exhilarating.

She never made a move to touch me after that first time.

She was letting me set a pace I was comfortable with.

Until she spoke.

"I could help you with that you know?"

"What?" I asked dumbly.

"Your hard cock," she answered bluntly.

"You can choose the hole you want to use," she offered, running a finger along the inside of the cup of her bra.

"Oh, well, thank you, but that's not necessary," I said lamely.

Her nose scrunched up in confusion.

"Why am I here, Edward?" she asked softly.

I took a deep breath and leveled my gaze with hers.

"Because I crave company."


	19. Chapter 19

She thought about what I'd said for a minute before nodding her head.

"You do realize that I'm a sure thing don't you? You don't have to woo me or win me over or some shit like that."

I knew this.

I was paying for her to be here after all.

"I'm sorry, Izzy. You are very beautiful and I am enjoying you being here, but I can't…"

I trailed off as I ran my hands through my hair, tugging it roughly in frustration.

"You can't touch?" she asked gently, knowingly.

I nodded my head in shame.

"That's okay, Edward. We can work up to that. Maybe, for today, I can just put on a show for you?" she smiled as she spoke.

"Show?"

"Hmm mmm. Why don't you sit in that chair over there and watch me work," she suggested as she stood and removed her bra and panties.


	20. Chapter 20

_**BPOV** _

I'd heard of people with this condition...my brother was a psychiatrist.

It explained his overly clean house…and the gloves.

But I liked him.

I felt comfortable here, so he could take as long as he needed.

I would be supportive and encouraging.

And maybe he'd become a regular.

Now that I was naked, I moved towards the ottoman in front of him.

He tensed as I approached.

"Shhh, it's okay, Edward. I'm just going to sit right here," I soothed him as I knelt on the ottoman, spreading my knees.

I ran my hands up my ribs, bringing them in to cup my tits with a tight squeeze before moving them up along my neck and through my long hair, catching and removing the headband.

He was taking deep shallow breaths as he watched.

I licked my lips and blew him a kiss.

The bulge in his jeans twitched.

"You can touch me anytime you like, Edward. Or you can just watch," I teased as I slid two fingers into my pussy.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's see how OCDward is reacting to Izzy's "show"...

**EPOV**

_Holy Shit!_

I couldn't speak.

I could barely breathe.

All I could do was watch her.

She leaned back on her heels and openly played with herself in front of me.

Making sure her nipples got as much attention as her engorged clit, which peeked out from between her smooth lips.

Her neatly manicured fingers slipped and slid through her wetness.

The sound seemed to echo in the room.

"Oh yes, Edward, touch yourself too," she grunted as she buried her fingers inside of her.

It wasn't until she said that, that I realized my hand had moved to my crotch of its own accord.

I pressed my hand against myself and hissed.

Then she was calling out my name as she slumped in on herself, her creaminess bubbling out of her and dripping onto my ottoman.

I needed to clean that up.


	22. Chapter 22

**BPOV**

_Well damn, I was sure that he would have responded._

_That he would have stripped down as naked as I was and taken me over this ottoman._

_At the very least, freed that monster that was looming behind his zipper and stroked it._

Instead, he glanced at his watch, then me.

"Thank you...for that. The hour is up for today," he stated distantly.

"It doesn't have to be. I don't have any other appointments today...I can stay," I offered hopefully.

He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it.

Slowly, he started shaking his head.

"This is all I can handle today, Izzy," he whispered, his eyes pleading with me to understand.

"Oh, alright then," I said as I stood up and pulled my clothes back on.

"I guess I'll just show myself out?"

He nodded.

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Edward. I hope you'll call on me again," I said through gritted teeth.

Normally my clients were trying to convince me to stay 'just a little longer, off the clock' and here he was, effectively dismissing me.

I felt like I'd failed.

Maybe I shouldn't have come back to this job.

Perhaps I'd lost my touch?

Without thinking, I moved forward quickly and grasped his hand.

"Good evening," I concluded our business as he yanked his hand back and turned slightly green.

_Oh shit...I just fucked up._

_  
_


	23. Chapter 23

_**EPOV** _

I hadn't been expecting today to have gone as far as it did.

I had just been unable to resist letting her take the lead.

I needed to clean the leather.

I needed to cum.

I could tell by her words that she was upset.

Then she grabbed my hand and the air rushed out of me as I fought down the bile.

The panic was washing over me, restraining me with invisible bonds, and I couldn't stop her.

Couldn't apologize.

And then she was gone.

"Fuck!" I screamed out to my empty house.

Just before I ran to the bathroom to heave violently before I got in the shower.

Only, I couldn't figure out if I got sick because she touched me, or because of how I had treated her.

As the water pelted my skin, I brought my clenched fist to my mouth to silence my sob and her scent, transferred to my hand by her own when she dared to touch me, permeated my nostrils.

My hard on was back.


	24. Chapter 24

Four days went by before I called the number again.

I'd spoken to Emmett.

I'd listened to Alice speak to me.

I'd uploaded the pictures from my camera and feared I was developing calluses from the sheer number of wank sessions I'd had looking at them and recalling her scent.

_"Cullen's Companions, this is Esme, how may I help you?"_

"Hello, this is Edward Masen, I'd like to schedule another...session," I said, managing to keep my voice from quivering.

I still didn't think I could touch her.

But I knew I had to at least see her again.

_"Certainly, Mr. Masen. I'm so glad you called us again. Was Izzy to your satisfaction or should I arrange for a new companion?"_ she asked professionally, but I could hear the undertone of curiosity in her voice.

"I want Izzy," I growled possessively.

Her question made me realize that other men had access to her.

She could get covered in germs.

"Every night," I added quietly.


	25. Chapter 25

_"Oh, well..."_ Esme was speechless at my request.

"If that's acceptable, of course," I compromised.

_"I'll have to check with Izzy and get back to you, Mr. Masen. If she's agreeable, then I suppose we can schedule it. Was that going to be just for this week?"_ she hedged.

_No, for the rest of my life,_  I thought while I out loud I answered, "For starters, yes."

_"Okay then, as I said, let me check in with her and I'll ring you back shortly."_

I thanked her and we hung up.

_What am I doing?_

_Why did I make that request?_

_How long has it been since we hung up?_

Twenty paces from my desk to the hallway.

Thirty-two paces down the hall to the living room.

Eighteen paces to the front door.

I pulled on a pair of gloves.

Turned the door knob and opened it.

For the first time in two years, I started to step onto my porch...and the phone started to ring.


	26. Chapter 26

_**BPOV** _

It'd been four days since my disastrous appointment.

Esme had tried to book me on new jobs, but I couldn't do it.

That poor man had put himself out there, inviting me to his home.

He'd just wanted company, and I forced pornography on him...and myself.

Riley must have hit my head harder than I realized.

I couldn't do this job any longer.

My decision made, I headed to Esme's office to give her my resignation.

She invited me in as soon as I knocked on the door.

Smiled when she saw me walk in.

"Bella, I was just going to call you in."

We spoke over each other with our next words.

"I need to quit Esme..."

"Mr. Masen wants you for the next week..."


	27. Chapter 27

"What?" we both said at the same time.

"I can't be Izzy anymore...I...I just can't do this. I really messed up with Edward," my voice was unsteady.

"Well he just called and requested you every night for the next week...for starters."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"So, you must have done something  _very_  right, Bella," she said tenderly.

All I could do was shake my head.

"But I won't force you, dear. I'll call him back and tell him you're no longer available."

I was mute as she started to punch in the numbers.

"Perhaps I'll suggest Charlotte as a replacement..."

My head snapped up.

He wanted  _me_.

He was mine...no one else could have him.

No one else would understand him.

"I'll do it!" I blurted out just as she smiled and began talking into the phone.

"Hello, Edward. What time should Izzy be there?"


	28. Chapter 28

_**EPOV** _

I found myself pacing and awaiting her arrival once again.

This time I'd made dinner for us after Emmett had dropped off this week's groceries for me.

The table was precisely set minus the plates, I'd bring those in with the food.

The wine was open and breathing.

The kitchen had been cleaned...along with the rest of the apartment.

I even had a wrapped gift waiting next to her place setting.

Even though that might be a little forward of me.

The doorbell rang and I ran...yes ran, without counting steps...to the door.

She was even more beautiful than I remembered.

Her hair was in a loose bun.

She had pink rimmed glasses perched on her perfect nose.

She wore a simple summer dress...thin, gauzy and covered in tiny flowers.

Her pink flip-flops showed off her pretty manicured toes.

"Good evening, Izzy. Thank you for coming," I invited her in and closed the door using the hand towel I'd just dried my hands with.


	29. Chapter 29

"I hope you haven't eaten...I thought we could start with dinner tonight?" I said, only choking slightly as I pulled out her chair and stepped back.

"That'd be lovely, Edward," she smiled as she sat down and scooted herself in.

"Wine?"

"Please."

I poured some for her and then for myself before sitting down.

The timer in the kitchen went off and I jumped right back up.

"That'll be the Chicken Kiev. Why don't you open your present while I fix our plates," I suggested and departed.

When I returned, she was staring intently at the book in her hands.

I noticed the wrapping paper had been neatly folded and set to the side, no little squibbies anywhere.

I smiled.

"Do you like it?" I asked bashfully as I set her plate down, perfectly centered between her silverware.

"It's beautiful, Edward. I can't believe that's me. That you see me like that..."


	30. Chapter 30

"Pictures never lie, Izzy," I said matter of factly as I took my seat.

She grimaced slightly.

"I'm glad you like it and I hope you enjoy your dinner."

She looked at the book that contained the images I'd taken of her one more time before setting it to the side and picking up her fork.

We chatted as we ate, getting to know each other a little.

It was almost like a real date.

Though the thought that I was paying her to be here was never too far from the front of my mind.

I learned that she had a degree, a PhD actually, in literature and had taken this job to pay off her student loans.

I didn't like that, by her estimations, she had another year of working it to be in the clear.

I shared that I'd been a molecular biologist before I'd become house bound.

Thankfully she didn't ask me to go into detail on that.

I learned that she had one brother.

Her tone had been suggestive when she'd told me he was a psychiatrist.

I shared that I had a brother who was a doctor and a sister who was a wedding planner.

We kept the conversation light, never pushing the other into areas of discomfort.

But I couldn't help feeling that I wasn't the only one with a secret.


	31. Chapter 31

"That was lovely, Edward. Can I help you clean up?" she offered.

I did a happy dance inside that she seemed to understand, and accept, my quirk.

Accepting her offer, I led her into my spotless kitchen and started the water in the sink.

I reached under the cupboard and pulled out two pairs of rubber gloves and we set to work.

When our glove encased hands brushed against each other in the water, the panic didn't settle over me.

This felt almost...normal.

I didn't even get mad when a dish slipped out of her hand and dropped into the water, splashing the counter and myself with bubbly water.

We finished and stepped away from each other, leaning against counters on opposite sides of the kitchen.

"Dessert?" I offered.

Her reply was unexpected.

"When did you last have sex, Edward?"

"Excuse me?" I asked, shocked.

"I'm confused here, Edward. I told you last time, I'm a sure thing...so I don't understand the wine and dine, the gift...just tell me where you want me and let's fuck."

"And I told you...I just want a friend!" I yelled and stormed out of the kitchen, leaving her to see herself out.


	32. Chapter 32

I went and hid in my office.

Leaning against the closed door, I squeezed my eyes shut against the oncoming tears.

Everything had been going so perfectly.

I'd thought she understood my situation.

Then she'd had to question me and remind me that she was basically a whore.

But I knew she was more, even if I wasn't.

I had wanted to show her she was more.

That's why I was spending an ungodly amount to clear her calendar of any companionship except my own.

Several minutes later, I'd collected myself and headed back out to apologize for the rude way I'd stormed out.

I ran from room to room...but she was nowhere to be found.

I tore open the front door without a thought to touching the handle.

She was gone.

I coped the best way I knew how.

I cleaned.

I left the kitchen for last, not sure if I could go in after the pleasant evening we'd spent.

I immediately noticed the Ziploc baggie stuck to the front of the fridge.

Inside were two things.

A business card for a Jasper W. Swan, M.D.

And a handwritten note that said ' _Don't call me again until you've talked to him. ~B'_

_  
_


	33. Chapter 33

B?

I knew she was hiding something.

Of course, was it so surprising that someone in her career would chose to provide a fake name?

So why did she alert me to that fact?

And her brother's business card confirmed that she had not altered her last name.

Curiouser and curiouser...

Taking the baggie from the fridge, grateful that I didn't have to touch the contents that had passed through who knew how many hands, I retreated back to my office.

I booted up my computer and typed in Jasper W. Swan, M.D.

Everything I found led to him being legitimate.

He also made house calls as he specialized in 'travel hindered clients.'

I started to dial the number, but stopped.

Instead I typed in Izzy Swan.

I barely made it to the bathroom in time after reading the headline.

_Izzy Swan, call girl to the rich and eccentric, found beaten and unconscious outside the home of Port Angeles mayor, Riley Biers._

_  
_


	34. Chapter 34

Once I had re-cleaned the bathroom, showered and gotten myself a glass of water, I went back to my office.

Where the article was still pulled up on the screen of my computer.

I took a deep breath and then read through it, carefully sipping my water and pausing to do the breathing exercises Emmett had suggested.

Money talks.

While there was every indication that the Mayor was her attacker, not enough evidence had been gathered to prove it.

A staff member of his took the fall and was now sitting in jail.

Had he been a client?

Had she been his companion?

Jesus, if she could survive something like that and still get back out into the world...

Why couldn't I?


	35. Chapter 35

It's been two weeks since I've seen her.

Although I'd booked the full week, I noticed nothing had been charged to my credit card, not even our last disastrous night.

Three days ago I had caved and called Dr. Swan.

I couldn't think of him as her brother...yet.

For now, he might be my new doctor.

The first person, besides my family, that I will talk to about what happened.

Deep down, I know I am doing this for myself.

Of course, I don't think I deserve any kindness.

But on the surface I tell myself it's for Izzy.

B.

I want to be able to call her again...even if it's only to discover what that B means.

Well, find out what B means and apologize to her.

For not being better for her.

For being a murderer.


	36. Chapter 36

He's due to arrive in twenty minutes.

_Why isn't Alice here yet?_

Em had to go out of town for a medical conference this week so he couldn't be here.

But Alice promised she would.

I had no idea how the appointment was going to go, but I wanted her here in case I froze.

In case I couldn't talk about it.

Basically be available to hold my hand.

There's a knock at the door before it swings open.

Alice.

"Hey big brother," she chirped as she came to stand in front of me.

She opened her arms wide, but waited for me to make the move.

I stepped into her arms and lightly wrapped my arms around her, gave her a quick squeeze and then stepped back, releasing the breath I'd been holding.

"Thank you for coming, Alice," I said sincerely.

"Anytime, Edward. Now, do you have refreshments ready?"

"Refreshments? No, this is a doctor's visit, not an afternoon tea," I said, rolling my eyes at her.

Her eyes twinkled.

"Well, something tells me that some sweet tea and graham crackers are going to go a long way towards breaking the ice."

I was speechless as she flitted off to my kitchen.

Perhaps I wasn't the only one that needed therapy...


	37. Chapter 37

Dr. Swan, Jasper, as he insisted I call him, turned out to be very likeable.

Especially by my sister.

By the end of the meeting, I'd decided she hadn't participated as my safety net, but as a doting doe eyed school girl with her first crush.

I think they exchanged numbers when I carried the tea service back to the kitchen.

Alice certainly had a dreamy smile on her face when she left shortly after him.

Chiraptophobia.

That's what he'd diagnosed me with.

To quote him, he'd said that 'dizziness, heart palpitations, intense fear and a sense of doom' were all perfectly normal with this disorder.

He'd also said, quite bluntly, that it was 'all in my noggin.'

No meds were needed.

We just needed to 'root out the source and squash it.'

He was a little odd, admittedly.

Who wasn't?


	38. Chapter 38

I'd almost called the private number that B had left on the bottom of her note as soon as Jasper had left.

Then decided that I should wait till I'd seen him a couple more times.

For some reason, I felt I owed her an explanation.

But the truth was the only explanation that would work.

And I wasn't ready for that yet.

Alice insisted on continuing to 'be there' for me during my visits.

Jasper didn't seem to mind her presence.

We met twice a week.

He asked questions to get to know me.

He'd found it quite interesting that I was a molecular biologist.

He'd blanched slightly when he casually asked how I'd heard about him.

And I casually answered that Izzy had given me his number.

His reaction confirmed that was her 'working' name.

It also determined the jumping point of our next appointment.


	39. Chapter 39

He always recorded our sessions rather than try to take notes and distract his attention from me.

Today was no different, except it was.

We'd barely gotten past our greeting and taken our seats when he started rapid firing questions at me.

_Why had I hired a companion?_

Because I was lonely.

_Why was I lonely?_

Because I couldn't leave the house.

_Why couldn't I leave the house?_

Because there were deadly germs everywhere.

_Why did I believe that?_

Because I'd brought them home.

_What did I mean by that?_

Exactly what I'd said. I'd carried home some germs on my clothes and hands.

_You're still here, why do you say they were deadly?_

Because they got on my red-haired angel.

_Who was that?_

Victoria.

_Who is Victoria?_

My wife.

_Where is Victoria now?_

_  
_


	40. Chapter 40

I'd allowed him to suck me into his fast paced Q and A.

And I thought I was doing surprisingly well.

Until that last question.

I'd almost blurted out...Dead.

Instead, the nausea and lack of air washed over me as my head filled with visions.

The room blurred and I faintly heard Alice's high pitched voice followed by Jasper's smooth calm one.

Though I couldn't make out what they were saying.

I was only aware of needing one person.

Izzy.

B.

I'd only met her twice.

It made no sense.

Her pictures had been my constant companions for almost two months now though.

As I felt a sharp pinch in my arm, I called out for her.

Then the room went black.


	41. Chapter 41

I was dreaming.

I had to be because cool soft hands were touching my face.

And I would never be able to handle that if I were awake.

Warm lips pressed against my forehead.

Sweet breath fanned over my face.

Soft, whispered words tickled my ears.

_I'm here, Edward._

_It's me, Bella._

_Waiting for you to wake._

_You are much stronger than you think._

_Please come back to us, tell us your story._

_It can't be any worse than mine._

I struggled to swim to the surface so I could answer her.

When my eyes blinked open, I was alone.


	42. Chapter 42

The clock said it was 4:30.

I didn't remember coming to bed.

I shuffled into the bathroom and reached into my sleep pants.

My hand was greeted by my erect dick.

I couldn't pee like this.

I closed my eyes and shook my head.

Hearing and smelling her again.

My dick twitched in my hand.

_What the hell?_

I finally softened enough to relieve myself.

Moving to the sink, I washed my hands then splashed water on my face.

Looking in the mirror, I was shocked.

I had at least two days' worth of facial hair growth.

_What was going on?_

Two days, possibly, that I hadn't cleaned.

_Oh god...what was spreading around me at this very moment?_


	43. Chapter 43

"Edward?" Alice's voice.

"It's okay, Edward, you need to calm down, I don't want to sedate you again."

I spun around at Jasper's words.

Why were they in my bedroom?

Then  _she_  stepped out from behind him.

"We're here to help, Edward."

She stepped forward, her hand outstretched towards me.

"Izzy? Is it really you?" I choked out, my throat dry.

She shook her head.

Was I seeing things now?

No, my dream, her real name is Bella.

"Bella?" I asked cautiously.

Her face became radiant as she nodded her head up and down and then opened and closed her fist, encouraging me to take her hand.

But leaving it up to me to make first contact.

I continued remembering my 'dream.'

If I knew her real name, had it been a dream?

Had she really touched me with no repercussions?

I'm strong... _she said I was._

I reached for her hand, closed my eyes and held my breath… and waited as her tiny fingers wrapped around my large ones.

**  
**


	44. Chapter 44

Her hand was warm and smooth.

I slowly opened my eyes, letting my gaze linger where our skin touched.

I wasn't bursting into flames.

A horde of parasites didn't leap from me and start attacking her.

I smiled.

She giggled.

Alice let out a gust of air from the breath she'd been holding.

"Well done, Edward," Jasper praised me...but didn't push me by trying to pat my back.

At his suggestion, we moved out to the living room.

Which was a disaster.

They'd obviously been camping out here, looking over me.

I started to panic.

Bella's eyes widened.

"Oh shit, Edward. Sorry...we'll clean it up...just give us fifteen minutes."


	45. Chapter 45

I looked around at the three faces watching me.

Waiting for me to completely lose it.

It all swarmed over me.

Two years ago.

Waking up to find Victoria, curled into my chest after a night of love making.

Her wild fire hair spread over me.

Her skin cold and clammy.

Her lips blue.

The autopsy report indicating she had been poisoned.

My assumption that she had reacted to some toxins that I had not completely scrubbed from myself in my hurry to get home for our anniversary.

I flash forwarded through the time since then.

How I'd found letters and texts from some guy named James as I cleaned out her stuff.

The last text from him on her phone that night of her death…the text that had not made sense in my grief.

_If I can't have you, neither can he. Hope you enjoyed the wine at lunch._

My obsession with cleanliness and order and not leaving a single step out of a process.

All stemming from the misguided belief that I'd failed her.

That I'd killed her.

When I hadn't.

_And the truth shall set you free…_


	46. Chapter 46

I snickered.

I barked out a laugh.

The faces watched me with wary amusement.

I began howling until tears were running down my cheeks.

_How cathartic was this?_

"I didn't do it!" I chanted over and over.

"HE poisoned her, not me."

"I've been a fool."

"I've been crazy!"

"How have you put up with me?"

That last one I directed at Alice.

She shrugged and said, "Because you're my brother and I love you."

I looked at each of them in turn again.

Then I did something outlandish.

I grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her towards the front door.

Yanking it open, reveling in the cool metal of the knob against my hand, I pulled her out onto the porch and then into the yard with me.

And I soundly kissed her.


	47. Chapter 47

_**Fifteen months later...** _

I'd like to say I was completely healed after that afternoon.

But I wasn't.

It has taken baby steps.

But Bella has been by my side for every one of them.

Jasper has been an amazing therapist and friend as well.

I am also very proud to now call him brother.

He has already started calling me Uncle Eddie, even though the baby isn't due for a couple months yet.

Of course, I started it.

By calling him Uncle Jazzy shortly after we found out the news.

For all my intelligence, I was so wrapped up in being able to actually touch and feel Bella, that I banned condoms.

That was all well and good until she was put on antibiotics when she snagged her finger on some barbed wire trying to clean out the garden on the roof of the apartment building.

The next month when I expected to hear "not now, I'm bleeding," I heard "we're pregnant."


	48. Chapter 48

Did I freak out?

Did I panic at the thought of how dirty babies are?

Hell no.

I stripped her naked and took her on every flat surface we could manage on.

Buried myself in her.

I reveled in making her come over and over.

Not caring one iota when her juices would overflow and drip onto the leather.

Or the wood.

Or the granite.

I can happily say that the source has been thoroughly squashed.

 

**~The End~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it! I hope all your questions got answered. Thank you for reading!


	49. Chapter 49

Did I freak out?

Did I panic at the thought of how dirty babies are?

Hell no.

I stripped her naked and took her on every flat surface we could manage on.

Buried myself in her.

I reveled in making her come over and over.

Not caring one iota when her juices would overflow and drip onto the leather.

Or the wood.

Or the granite.

I can happily say that the source has been thoroughly squashed.

 

**~The End~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it! I hope all your questions got answered. Thank you for reading!


End file.
